I finally finished maternity and returned to work. It's been much better than expected, but it's not easy. I struggle daily wondering if I made the right decision. I cannot even tell you how many times I sit in my office, mindlessly returning work-related emails wondering how this can be considered reason to leave Shyam. And then I think about quitting and all of a sudden, I am filled with the guilt of leaving a well paying, secure job AFTER having a baby (and lusting after having three more). There is no right answer as I have been told numerous times. I think the key is to be confident in the route you choose. And therein lies my problem. When I am at work, I confidently tell colleagues that I knew it would be tough but I also know that I wanted to work. I confidently say these words while on the inside, I am wishing I could be with Shyam. And don't get me started on how I think work is actually easier than but not nearly as rewarding as being with Shyam. Babies are tough little creatures. They can't tell you what they want so you are endlessly guessing. And guessing is…well, guessing. So every time I get it wrong, I just keep guessing and before you know it, the poor little cutie has been balling his eyes out for thirty minutes. For the record, I eventually figure "it" out but the whole process can be taxing. And they take lots of energy. I try to be an active mom and play with him, knowing every toy has a role in firing all those synapses. But that also means I forget to give myself a break. But usually, there is no crying. Only smiles and laughter and my guessing is always right: He's happy! And when I see those smiles, I never want to leave him. Ever. It's all very complicated. Emotionally speaking. But, I maintain that the key in this whole thing called parenting is confidence. So I am confidently ending this saga-related post and giving you a glimpse into what we have been up to during Shyam's first summer!
Shyam at 4 months old!
Gosh, where do I start. Well, first of all, we had a huge breakthrough. Shy no longer hates baths! And you will never guess what turned the tables. The pool! That morning, we gave him a bath and he wailed. So much that my mom came upstairs wondering what we were doing to her grandchild. And for some reason, later that day, S and I decided it would be wise to put this bath-hating baby in the world's biggest bath. Don't ask us why. But thank goodness we did. He loved it! Maybe it's because it was cooler water. Or outside where there was lots to distract him. Or because daddy was holding him. I don't know, but the next day, we gave him a bath and the world was right side up again. Hallelujah!
Since we last talked, Shy has become a master roller. He is all sorts of mobile these days, scooting around. Like last night when he tried to get into his super high cobra stretch. Underneath the couch. Suffice it to say there was some complaining when I found him. My parents have since come and gone, helping me transition from my awesome stay-at-home gig to my less-than-awesome return to work (a job that I love, by the way). While my parents were here, we packed up the entire Patel clan and headed to New York City for the 4th of July. We may have been the only people in all of NYC who had a baby out at 10PM. He's quite the trooper. And for the record, he did fine and bounced back to schedule after a day or two.