But all I have done this weekend is sit around. I've been to Facebook more today than since my brother-in-law created my account, cumulative! I love to cook and bake, any yet I ate a bowl of popcorn last night. For dinner. At least I popped the popcorn like my grandmother used to. But still, I don't feel like my normal self. The last AND ONLY time I ever felt so lazy and unmotivated to cook (of all things) was in the Summer of 2006 when by baby sister (and best friend) was in New York and I was less than my happy self in Atlanta.
But, this time, I am happy. So very happy. I couldn't be any happier. I just got engaged, I love to plan things (Excel gives me goose bumps), I've traveled my heart out this year, I have a brand new cute-as-can-be nephew, and I'm surrounded by fantastic friends and family. So my laziness has me baffled.
Does this actually finally make me normal? In general, my energy outlasts anyone, and my family often calls me abnormal. I'm always ready to do anything and am never too tired to not do it. But, right now, I lack self-motivation. And it is unsettling. Seriously.
I am watching Julie and Julia, and I first started the film on the plane back from Paris one week prior to turning 30. It's like serendipity. I feel like the movie is supposed to be my motivation. But, I refuse to be a copycat. And, it's not like I need more to do. But, wouldn't it be nice if I stuck to something long term rather than a little of everything that interests me? And it seems that I try everything. Sewing, knitting (that went well, yeah), baking, cooking, blogging, photography, freelance writing, travelling, gardening, writing a book (yeah like that is going to happen), volunteering, acting. There was even talk about me becoming a wedding planner after my sister's wedding.
I think I have to choose something. I need a concrete goal. I want to write. A book. But even about that, I have a million things I would want to write about. Family. My parent's life. Cooking. That would be fun. Children's lit. Fiction. Definitely fiction. Set in another country. But I need to be held accountable. Do you think I could do it? Blah...
Take out for dinner tonight.