Confidence...

If you ask someone who knows me, they would likely tell you that I am a confident, successful woman. If you ask close family, they would tell you the same unless you specifically asked about physical beauty or something.  Which I hope you wouldn't because that would be odd. But if you ask me, you would likely be stuck listening to a stream of conscious answer about how I am confident but I'm not when it comes to this or that. But, really, I am. And the one way conversation would continue until you got up and left, but don't worry. I wouldn't stop telling my story. Likely, my hands would be moving so fast because I am a gesture talker and nowadays my eyes would be glued to Shy so I wouldn't even know you left.

I finally finished maternity and returned to work. It's been much better than expected, but it's not easy.  I struggle daily wondering if I made the right decision. I cannot even tell you how many times I sit in my office, mindlessly returning work-related emails wondering how this can be considered reason to leave Shyam. And then I think about quitting and all of a sudden, I am filled with the guilt of leaving a well paying, secure job AFTER having a baby (and lusting after having three more). There is no right answer as I have been told numerous times. I think the key is to be confident in the route you choose.  So I am confidently ending this saga-related post and giving you a glimpse into what we have been up to during Shyam's first summer!

Shyam at 4 months old!

Gosh, where do I start. Well, first of all, we had a huge breakthrough. Shy no longer hates baths! And you will never guess what turned the tables. The pool!  That morning, we gave him a bath and he wailed. So much that my mom came upstairs wondering what we were doing to her grandchild. And for some reason, later that day, S and I decided it would be wise to put this bath-hating baby in the world's biggest bath. Don't ask us why. But thank goodness we did. He loved it! Maybe it's because it was cooler water. Or outside where there was lots to distract him.  Or because daddy was holding him.  I don't know, but the next day, we gave him a bath and the world was right side up again. Hallelujah!

Since we last talked, Shy has become a master roller. He is all sorts of mobile these days, scooting around.  Like last night when he tried to get into his super high cobra stretch. Underneath the couch.  Suffice it to say there was some complaining when I found him. My parents have since come and gone, helping me transition from my awesome stay-at-home gig to my less-than-awesome return to work (a job that I love, by the way). While my parents were here, we packed up the entire Patel clan and headed to New York City for the 4th of July. We may have been the only people in all of NYC who had a baby out at 10PM.  He's quite the trooper. And for the record, he did fine and bounced back to schedule after a day or two.

Shy's eating solids now! And I haven't given up my cloth diapers either. You know how much I love my cloth. And surprisingly, poop isn't really that bad.

But, mostly, he's just getting bigger and becoming more active. He loves to talk and babble, just like his parents. And he's much more opinionated.  Don't think one toy will keep him entertained for a full ten minutes like it used to.  He will grab it from you and throw it down. And he's so strong! He has started to pick things up. Like our glasses from the dining table. And of course, with the rolling came the love of his tummy. We know he's going to sleep for hours when we lay him down and he immediately flips over. He's a tummy sleeper, no matter what I do!

In the end, I am confident in my ability to gauge the day by day. I know regardless of what I do, there will always be guilt and I have come to accept this. I think it's really a guilt we put on ourselves because certainly no one makes me feel inadequate. But, deep down, I know the most important thing is Shyam is loved, happy, and cared for. And I appreciate every darn minute I can squeeze from my day when it is spent with him. I mean, look at that smile!