Vicarious Lessons

It seems these days I post more to Facebook than my blog, violating an unsaid promise I made myself when my brother-in-law signed me up for the seemingly social Mecca of the Internets.  Amid the immediate stress I felt to be more true to myself, I read a post from my close friend Catherine and decided vicarious lessons are the best. So instead of worrying about unwritten (and likely not that interesting) moments, I'm looking ahead.  And most definitely not shamelessly running for the ringing phone hoping it's NASA.  Meanwhile, I figure the new blogging attitude encompasses posting unsuccessful attempts at baking a fairly easy raspberry chocolate cake. It's certainly not as sightly as Giada's version, but it tasted pretty yummy with my substitution of a mildly sweetened mixed berry glaze for frosting.

Ahhh, continued examples of maturity.

The answer...

to the question I get fairly frequently, though the answer always seems so obvious to me.  Here's what I told the Committee last week on why I want to be an astronaut.

It's about dreams.  About the unknown.  And a yearning to know the unknown.

It's about taking time for the things that matter.  To pay homage to the sacrifices made by my parents.  To exalt their diligence and dedication for a better life.  It's knowing the reasons for which I will sit before you today.  For the mentors, supporters, and teachers.  It's realizing most individual efforts are actually team efforts.   That we rarely achieve such notable successes on our own. 

It's truly about the science.  The feat of engineering.  To stand on the edge of what is possible.  To explore an asteroid. Visit the moon.  Traverse Mars.  See the Earth.  Feel the warmth of the Sun.  To find the limits.  And defy them.

It's about inspiring.  Invigorating the next generation.  Instilling in them what I was so fortunate to have instilled in me.  To have a sister who encouraged experimenting.  Studying.  Understanding the why.    It's about taking a moment of your day to share the wonders and the joys.  To encourage inquisitive natures.  And imbue curiosity.

It's about courage.  Faith and trust.  Knowing that the thousands who work for the program aim to keep you safe.  To help you accomplish the mission.

It's these things.  And more.  It's mostly intangible.  Yet, in ways, palpable.  It's the only dream I've ever dreamt.  And the only thing I ever imagined doing. 

The entire process has been an incredible journey, and I truly am at peace with whichever direction life takes me.  Four years has shown me that maturity matters.  I have never been so at ease with life.  To feel sincere happiness without even a shred of jealousy for my friends who are in this whirlwind of a moment with me.  Gosh, this must be what growing up feels like!

I return to you after three days of socials, tests, and an interview to become an astronaut.  I can't disclose much of the process, but I can tell you that it was a fun few days.  The next step is the second and final round of interviews within the next couple of months.  But, the best part of my experience was being around the 9 other interviewees who shared the moments with me.  Our backgrounds were so diverse, and that meant dinner conversations were vibrant.  And educational!  Thank you, NASA.  It's been real!

Half of the group touring the old historical Apollo Flight Control Room

One of us could be an astronaut!  And this would be our future ride up! 

And totally get to hang with this guy!  Go Robonaut!

The Things That Matter...

It's about taking time out for the things that matter.  About not stressing over days off.  Or unfinished Things-To-Do-Lists.  It's about remembering what they did for you, when you had no idea.  About not buying themselves anything while you bought XXL T-shirts that cost three times the price because of a simple logo.  But making it seem otherwise. It's taking advantage of the moments.  The soon-to-become memories.  And the smiles and laughter.  It's turning the tables from them taking care of you to you taking care of them.  This is, my friends, what they must call growing up.

I am fortunate.  It's well known.  Things work out for me, and trust me, I get it. But, I also know that I make things work in my favor. I am not afraid to do what matters most to me, with minimal regard to those who may rain on my parade.  And for that personality trait, I am ever thankful.

So taking my parents back to India for their first trip in some twenty years was of no question.  Being able to see India through their eyes was a moment that I was not willing to let pass me by.  And it didn't disappoint.  They are the most easy going people whose wonderful traits are littered among the five of us kids.  Don't get me wrong.  We argued many times but we instinctively trust each other.  And their ability to roll things off their back makes me so thankful to be their daughter.

We started in Delhi and then hired a driver to go to Jaipur, Rajasthan.  On to Agra for the Taj Mahal. And Mathura (where Lord Krishna was born) on the way back to Delhi.  After about a week or so, we finally made our way to their home.  The area where they grew up.  What shaped and framed them.  We met up with P and Sujay in Surat and toured the streets that brought us our parents.  We heard stories of walking kilometer after kilometer just to get cilantro.  Of tirelessly hauling through Saturday and taking Sundays for themselves. Of hitting the street vendors in Chopati and sitting along the banks of the river (Tapi Nadi), enjoying the life.  Even if it was a hard life. Of saving rupees when they came along and continually scheming for a better future.  Of making the arduous decision to leave your daughters with your parents just to finish the work that fed the many mouths in one home.  Of leaving the girls behind to venture across the seas in search of that opportunity.  That pot of gold.  The land of opportunity people so often referenced.  To live another life nearly as difficult but with a promise unavailable in their homeland.  Of fighting the fight.  And eventually winning.  Five educated children.  Four grandchildren.  And, for once, spending a few dollars ... or rupees... on yourself.

We often wonder if we tell them enough how thankful we are for what they do.  What they did. And deep down we know we don't say it often enough.  Or maybe we do, in actions louder than words.  But, for the family I have, I am ever so thankful for parents who made us all friends.

Clouds...

They are fluffy and comfy-looking.  Your imagination can run wild, conjuring shapes the clouds make as they swish about in the expansive blue backdrop.  We imagine loved ones find peace there. Some of us even get to jump through them with our daredevil acts of skydiving!

I made a promise earlier this year that I would write the next post when (if) I got the call.  Yes, THE call.  The call that would send my head into the clouds, swarming with thoughts that dreams may actually come true.

I nearly broke down a week ago, having given up on that small, oh-so-very minute chance that I may have the opportunity  to prove I had what it takes.  That I could get that moment in life to see a... Dream. Come. True.

And that leads me back to my blog.  Alas, I pushed through that nagging feeling of disappointment and utter failure, undoubtedly because I was distracted by the happiness I have found with my husband, sister, and brother-in-law.  That brings me to today, when all thoughts were well away from the clouds and instead embedded in my new obsession called Alias (yeah, you know. The TV show with Jennifer Garner.).

Ring Ring.

"This is Mamta."

"Hi Mamta. This is Sheila from the Astronaut Selection Office.  I am calling to see if you are interested in interviewing for a position in our office."

Silence. (Caused by shock)

"YES!  Oh my gosh.  I can't believe you are calling. I have been imagining this phone call forever and making myself pretend it wouldn't happen."

"Well it's real and happening!"

Whatever the outcome, however the path winds-I will always be able to say "I interviewed to be an astronaut."  And that is something with which I can find utter peace.  

Could it be?

I can't believe this.  So much so that I was shaking too much to post this yesterday when I found out.

Yes, that's right.  My references received this email yesterday, which means this year the astronaut candidate office thinks I am HIGHLY QUALIFIED!  My heart was beating so merrily while the anxiety of "what ifs" threatened to exude from my ears.  They received the second most number of applications in history, with around 7800.  The most received was approximately 8000 in 1978 right before the Shuttle program debuted and the first year women were allowed to apply.

This year, they narrowed down the list to some 4800 "qualified" applicants, and now they check the top 10% of those.  And I am one of them, apparently!

In 2008, I kept it a dire secret-my applying that is.  And this year, I vowed to not be so dramatic.  Maybe I am being rewarded?

For now, I won't concentrate on what it means in the grand scheme of things or how I can uproot what Srin and I finally established in D.C. Because, really, they are just asking around about me.  I still have ~479 others who I am sure have C.V.s that would make me drool...

But each step of this emotional process will be an internal brag point, and I guess I am finally mature enough to take it for all it is worth.

My guest blogger...

Keira Laxmi Clarke!

I had the best time in Ohio with my masis and my mom.  They doted on me and kissed me lots and lots.  I didn't even get sick of it.  In fact, if you don't pay attention to me, I like to yell.  Loudly.  But don't worry because I know you wouldn't stop playing with me! Especially my mommy.  I love her!

I pretty much just eat, sleep, poop, and play.  But my masis thought it was still loads of fun to hang out with me.  They even put me in my CooKoomama's favorite shirt because it has his name in it: HaRAJUku! 

And my snake is my favorite toy along with the coolest Elmo you have ever seen!

Gosh.  I just love my masis but not nearly as much as they obviously love me.  I can't wait to see them again over Labor day!

Now I Really Really Need One...

My absolutely adorable niece.  No one should be this cute, except her brother maybe! There are so very many non-camera phone-pics coming so very soon!