Okay, I am sold...

On cloth diapers that is.  It didn't take much convincing as to the benefits.  And yes, in my opinion, the benefits do outweigh the environmental impact.  Despite what your colleague may or may not say with words.  In my short few months of using cloth diapers, I have already had way too many people ask if I have considered that it wastes more water, electricity, etc.  That it isn't THAT much better than disposables. And that I won't be able to keep up with it once I go back to work.  And all I have to say in response is each person has to decide what is best for him or herself.  Whether that's plastic grocery bags (which I stopped using), plastic trash bags (which will be the day if I ever stop using), or disposable diapers.  For me, sending all that pee-drenched plastic to the landfills is much worse than the water I use to do extra rinses on my cloth diapers. I don't judge those who use disposables, and I totally understand why one does.  Gosh.  Stinky poo in your washing machine?  Dunking diapers in a toilet? No thanks. Going green in the world of babies is an overwhelming decision. At first.  And then you do it and wonder why in the world you were so overwhelmed.  It's not that bad and kind of addictive. And there is a method that works for everyone.  Like there will be no such thing as dunking in any toilet in this home.  Drops of toilet airborne? Bleh.  But I have turned that corner and now find myself Googling "natural fiber cloth diapers" instead of buying a new book (which I miss doing). It's like mama-crack.  Anyway, I digress.

My entire reason for bringing out the computer is two fold:  1) I finally got Shy to sleep.  And not in my arms. and 2) To share these adorable pictures of fluffy bottoms.

Like most first time cloth diapering parents, I stuck to the whole "stay dry" materials like the stay dry-lined microfiber inside the bumGenius Freetimes (top).  I even had a close friend tell me all about the synthetic vs natural fabrics, but I don't think I quite got it back then.  Recall the "overwhelmed" part above.  And stupid me thought all fleece was made from cotton but most is made from polyester like the inside of my Nicki's diaper, which I love anyway and makes me feel like I am wrapping Shy's bottom in a wonderful blanket.  Natural or not. Plus, there are lots of good reasons to have these in your stash.  So no regrets there!

Now that I am way more relaxed and using diapers is just like…well using diapers, I love being able to explore other options.  So I just got my first two fitteds from Green Mountain Diapers and my wool cover from Nicki's.  And I cannot wait to try it out on Shy's cute little bum. YAY!  Don't worry. I'll post another picture.

Grunts and Cuddles...

Shy's such a character.  I love getting to know him.  From the red-face only gas can cause to the milk-coma induced cuddling I get at least eight times a day. And he's started to laugh.  Like a real, albeit silent, social laugh.  His big Indian eyes continually search for light, even when the lights are off.  And the only reason he ever cries is hunger.  Forget dirty diapers-this boy cares not one bit if he is sitting in his own poo.

Shyam at 5 weeks old

In other baby news, we survived our first night without dad!  Srin's in California on a work trip, and Shy decided to pay him back by sleeping the longest stretch he has ever slept.  6 hours!  But I don't expect that to repeat because if I learned one thing, it's not to get used to any milestones too fast.  They are ever changing!  So I took my 6 hours of sleep with a grain of salt and woke up in an awesome, rested mood.  I thought Shy would be more awake today as a result, but I guess sleep begets sleep!  Or maybe he will repeat the hour before he fell slept last night and be more awake than ever while I resist falling asleep before him.  We shall see…

Shyam turns 8 weeks old tomorrow, and I cannot help but think that I would never be ready to go back to work in a few weeks.  Thank goodness I am staying home for 6 months.  In these moments, I always think of my good friend Reyes who once told me, well before Shy came along, that every woman has to make the best decision for herself and she shouldn't feel bad whatever that plan is.  Here here, Reyes!

Shyam at 7 weeks

The long awaited arrival...

It's a boy!

As the trite sayings often describe the arrival of a new baby, this is the most rewarding thing I have ever done.  But, it is also one of the most trying and difficult things.  And I send rockets into space.  And keep them safe.  All from Earth.  An entire 256 vertical miles and thick atmosphere away.  Yet, this is the biggest challenge I have had, testing my resolve and perseverance.  My will to succeed.

To be honest, all of the things that I think others find tough have not been that bad.  Lack of sleep.  Fussiness.  Living in a cycle that repeats every two hours.  Yes, at 2 in the morning and on no sleep, sometimes those things have gotten to me.  Admittedly.

However, what's been my true test is breastfeeding.  I assumed that nursing would be a natural instinct for both mom and baby.  That there was no learned technique.  Pain didn't even cross my measly mind. Being horribly unprepared for it made it worse.  Unlike childbirth, which I was quite mentally prepared for.  That was easy. Yes, I just said that.  Easy.  There was a defined end. I knew the baby had to come out of me, one way or the other.  But the nursing pain-that had seemingly no end.   Until recently.

We've reached out for help and received some great tips for successful breastfeeding.  My sister, D, was my inspiration, having nursed both of her kids for an entire year.  And now she's my rock. Constantly replying to my million texts.  Listening to my boundless complaints.  While I am not there yet, I can now see light.  We've made leaps and bounds of progress, and with breastfeeding as one of the parenting decisions I refuse to compromise, I'm thankful for the many people who have helped along the way.  With personal stories of struggles.  And the many meals I didn't have to cook myself (thanks P and my mother-in-law).  Not to mention the natural parenting skills no one knew Srin had!  Soothing. Loving. And always willing to help.

Shyam turns one month old tomorrow, and I love him.  I love watching him feed.  I love when he gives me the stink eye that tells me I waited too long to feed him.  It shows personality. I love that he's more active, observing the world around him.  Firing those many synapses. Committing the world around him to memory.  I love seeing him progress from the fetal position to stretched out.  I love his pout.  And I love that he is consolable. Rarely have we witnessed a cry that couldn't be soothed.  And I still have trouble believing I put him in this world.  Me.  He came from me.  That is a concept I wonder if I will ever truly comprehend.

 Our first family picture!

Fatherhood suits him well!

Let it snow!

I've never been a cold kind of person.  In fact, suffice it to say I turn into a whiny baby when the temperature dips below 70.  But, this year, I am so excited.  Winter means I am mere moments away from the best thing that has ever happened to me.  And to think, this year started out with me planning to be an astronaut.  Sometimes I wonder how life's undulating road decides where to turn and when to remain straight.  However life goes, I am so thankful that mine has led me on the path of motherhood.

And on a path to a new camera and a husband willing to try his hand at it because I refuse to pay $200+ for maternity shots.  Not including the digital images, no less!

A new toy...

I got a new camera this week! And I couldn't be more excited.  These days, it's the first thing I have really thought of that isn't baby-related. All thanks to a great husband and a fabulous birthday this year.  It's the Nikon D3200, a decision we only made after consulting our favorite camera guru Catherine.

It is absolutely ludicrous to my shrinking brain that I am already 36 weeks along.  Baby is thus far healthy and growing right on target.  In true M-stream-of-conciousness, I recall saying many times in the doctor's office, "Gosh.  I have never been so happy to hear my baby is average."  Average is good.  Average is the majority of babies.  And the majority are healthy and happy.

Light...Tunnel...Action!

Well, I am 30 weeks pregnant now!  I'm not sure why, but the number 30 must hold some subconscious meaning for me.  I always said that when my baby brother turned 30, then I would feel like we were all adults.  All old, really.  When I turned 30, it wasn't a big deal, but I definitely felt something that made me even write a post about it.  And now, I have been waiting for this day when I could say I was 30 weeks pregnant.  It feels more real.  The baby moves so much, and I am getting used to feeling it whenever I want.  That moment of comfort, knowing he or she is safe and warm and content.  It is so much better than the early weeks when anxiety, doubt, and fear dominate the pregnancy.  Now I battle the desire for the baby to stay inside me as long as needed but to come out so I can finally meet him or her!  It's okay-we struck a deal.  The baby is not allowed out for another 6.5 weeks when he or she is full term!  I felt a kick and took that as a handshake.

Srin took a few quick iSnaps of my 30 week belly among the leaves and trees.  The red.  Orange. And yellow. It feels like Fall here in the nation's capital.  It's crisp and clear, with sunny skies but chilly temperatures.  Pumpkins line the neighborhood with the occasional scarecrow, spider web, and ghost in the tree.  Friends' are posting pictures of their kids in costumes, and the eerie excitement of Halloween is most definitely in the air.  

I feel mostly ready for this baby to greet the world.  With our baby shower last weekend, everything I absolutely need is in order with only a few to-do items left.  I guess they call this nesting.  Whatever it is, I like it.  It's so cute to see the itty bitty newborn diapers.  And tiny socks.  Don't get me started on the cloth diapers.  I just got my first batch yesterday from Nicki's Diapers and Cottonbabies.  I'll be trying out Nicki's one size pockets and BumGenius's Freetime all in ones first.  It's funny how overwhelmed I was even thinking of cloth diapering and now look at me.  Talkin' all pockets and such.  That's growth I tell you.

The baby shower was a blast with my family making the hike over East to celebrate the impending arrival of Baby Nagaraja.  Friends and family.  Everyone knows that's all I really need in life.

Halftime!

Well, it's difficult to imagine for me. More than halfway through nourishing this little sweet pea inside me.  He/She is already so very cute, according to a very biased opinion of ultrasound pictures. We are starting week 23 which means I am in the end of my second trimester. Already!  It's flying by me, and I have taken it quite slowly. Cherishing every nudge. Little punch. Hiccups. And fluttery movements. Yes, they finally felt a bit like that flutteriness so many other moms describe. I laid in bed yesterday before work for an extra ten minutes just to spend time with him/her. The baby was so active (help! morning baby?!?!?), and those ten minutes were completely worth being late to work.

I can't wait to meet this baby. Sleepless nights and tough mornings welcome. I know that sounds crazy, and all of you parents have that slight knowing smile as you read this.  But, for me, I have waited for more than a decade to have a family. Quite a surprise given that at 16, I had mapped out my life.  Married at 22 after college. First kid at 24, next at 26, then at 28, and done by 30. 4 kids. 2 boys and 2 girls. Order irrelevant.

I'm 33 now. You can do the math. Sometimes life takes over and plans are a-washed. And thank goodness too. Those years of my life were incredible. Ones I would not have likely been able to do in the way I did if a family was part of my life. And now I get the best of both worlds. I am simply overjoyed at this experience.

I must be that pregnant woman other pregnant women hate. No morning sickness. Little aches and pains. Trouble gaining weight (baby is right on target though!). Still exercising. Hardly any mood swings. And absolutely in love with being pregnant. It's been one of the most incredible journeys. One I imagined time and again for years, patiently waiting for the moment to surprise me. Okay. Not patiently. Per se.

And to top off the experience, Srin's been great. Somehow he's balanced being protective with dealing with my adamant need for independence. And I love when I wake up to a crazy Indian boy nuzzling my belly. He loves this baby so much, and he is exhibiting the perfect balance of involved dad and letting me handle the small things (like diaper choices).

Sometimes I wonder what I did right in life to deserve this happiness. For now, I'm basking in the bubble in which I live these days. A serene bubble. Comforted by low stress. And a content home.

Photo credit:  JC Penney